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There was a knock at the door. Standing there was the most beautiful dark haired woman with an Irish Wolfhound for company.“Can I use you phone? I’ve broken down and my mobile has no reception”Even if she had been ugly as sin, the dog would have got her in, it was lovely (and friendly). Even if she hadn’t had the dog, those swaying hips, and prominent chest, would have got her over the threshold.“I saw your bike in the shed” the door kept blowing open “nice. My Dad had an A65”That was it, I was in love, a dog loving, motorcycle appreciating, beauty.“Come in, would you like some tea? I was just about to make some”“Tea would be lovely, I was at a Ceilidh last night and drank too much Jameson, anything to stop the man bashing my head in from the inside.”She likes Jameson as well? Sold! To the shallow man in the room with a dick for a brain!I found my phone under piles of papers. I had nearly not bothered with a landline, glad I did now. I deliberately found something to do so as not to. ”“Hmm! How many men have you slept with?” asked her mother.“Only one.” Said the daughter.“O.K. Here’s an elastic band, just before he gets you into bed, go to the toilet and stick this up your you know where and when it twangs and he asks you what that was, you say it’s alright darling that’s just my virginity going.”So the wedding goes ahead and on the wedding bed ‘twang’ “What was that”, the new husband asked.“That was just my virginity, darling.”And the new husband was happy.Some time later the second daughter was due to be married, went to her mother and said “Mom, I’m getting married to Frank tomorrow but I’m not the virgin he thinks I am.”“How many men have you been with” asked the mother.“Only three” said the daughter.“Alright, here’s three elastic bands, just before you get into bed on the wedding night go to the toilet and stick these up, when they go ‘twang’ you tell him it’s just your virginity going”And again all went well.Then the third daughter came to her mother and.
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